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BRITISH OPEN

Consolation (110)
Running Progressive Consolations is very taxing but I'm sure that if I stopped doing them I'd be lynched. The trouble is they take longer than a straight entry knockout because of waiting for the progressive side to catch up. Mind you, Irishman, Dave Coyne wasn't complaining (not that he ever does) as he entered from the Main last 16 and played his way into the final. His opponent, John Slattery emerged from the Consolation proper beating Stavros Elia in the semi-final. In the final, Dave took first place: Ireland 1, Scotland 0. John's choice of waistcoat was a little conservative this time; in fact I'd go so far as to say boring, it being the plainest one I've seen him wear.

John Slattery & Dave Coyne

Last Chance (74)
Mike Wignall and Brendan Gasparro gave it their best shot but they each lost, respectively, in the semi-finals to David Nathan and Rebecca Bell. David was determined to take home the £100 prize money (sorry, I meant trophy), and he did just that leaving Rebecca with second place and £50; but she seemed happy enough with that.

David Nathan and Rebecca Bell

Sad Losers (64)
For a long time Andrew Sarjeant has referred to what is usually called the 'Suicide!' as the 'Sad Losers', not in any derogatory sense, you understand (he's been there often enough himself), but in the sense that they all look so sad to have ended up in the final element of the weekend having been knocked out of everything else - or so he says! Mind you, this time with prize money of £70, £40 and £20 each for 3rd and 4th, everyone was a lot less sad. Especially Kevin Stebbing who went home £100 richer and Daphne Smith who went home £40 richer and Jeff Ellis and Albert Tinker who each went home £20 richer.

Daphne Smith and Kevin Stebbing

Friday Knockout (47)
I don't keep records of the entry on Friday nights but this was a big one - in fact the Friday night entry alone was bigger than twenty 'full' Biba tournaments including all three Scottish Opens. Of course a consequence of this was a very late (or very early finish, according to your point of view) was that because of the time of finishing the two finalists decided to share the position of winner and it was split between Paul Lamford and Michael Brereton. Alan Farrell and Martin Hemming were the losing semi-finalists.

Doubles (32)
Quite a few new ones here: 'The Belly Babies' and 'Double Bellies' (what's with this belly thing?), 'Mick Listens To Reet' (no he doesn't), 'Sarah For The Open' (which never materialised), and a radical entry, 'Three's a Crowd' who had their own personal dice roller so that they could concentrate upon checker and cube play which took them as far as the semis and no further. 'Fatman & Her' (yes, he is fat) made it to the final but they just couldn't beat 'Tale of Two Cities' (I prefer, Sale of Two Titties; but then I would!), who emerged tired but happy as the winners; and off they went to bed at 3:30am.

This British Open was one of the best tournaments we've ever had, a great success and without any directing problems whatsoever. I'd like to thank Andrew Sarjaent of Amico Drinks for his sponsorship; I am convinced his generosity was responsible for such a great turnout. I'd also like to say thanks to Wai Mun Yoon for the use of his tripod (no sniggering, there!) in recording the final match. Without it perched above the players, sellotaped to the television it would have been impossible to have recorded it. Neither Steve nor Stuart realised that the entire ensemble was held together in such a Heath Robinson way; if they had they might have moved to a safer location to play it out.

Finally, on a sad note, sometime during the late afternoon, Steve Hallett had his Biba backgammon board taken by mistake (stolen might be a bit strong, but then again it might not be). If it was a mistake then the person who picked it up failed to notice Steve's tag on the handle (hard not to notice that). If you did pick it up by mistake then please let me know and I'll reunite Steve with his board; if you stole it I'd recommend that you keep very quiet about it and tell no-one because if I ever find out who you are . . . . .