Slattery Scottish Open (51)
11-12 March 2000
East Kilbride, Scotland
By Michael Crane
Progressive Consolation (47): In backgammon a lot of players use their heads but only one uses his feet - Jeremy Limb. Despite the disadvantage of not having any arms, Jeremy plays a mean game of backgammon as he shakes, rolls and moves his way around the board using just his left foot.
[Jeremy is a pavement artist and travels the country exhibiting his artwork. Last November he came to Lincoln (this was before he’d heard of or even become a Biba member) and situated himself opposite one of our large department stores in the City centre and began drawing upon the pavement. Sharen and I distinctly remember him as Sharen remarked as we passed him by that his foot was blue with the cold!
And yet, when he first played with us in Coventry at the Jarvis Trophy it never occurred to me that the man without arms drawing on the Lincoln pavement was the same man without arms playing backgammon in Coventry and now here in Scotland ... not until he told me he’d been in Lincoln last year! What am I, some sort of idiot? How men without arms do I see around? When Jeremy heard that we saw him in Lincoln he asked if we put any money in his collection plate. "No," I said, "We just walked by and ignored you!" "Try ignoring me next time," he said with a wink.]
Jeremy, entering from the 1st round Main losers and faced Jeff Ellis (also from the 1st round Main losers) in the 1/4 Finals. (Jeff and I played Jeremy and his team-mate, Paul, in last night's Doubles so Jeff knew what to expect - plenty of good natured ribbing). Jeff, fresh from his victory in the Jarvis came through to win and then faced the tournament sponsor, John Slattery in the semis - a repeat of the Jarvis Trophy where he met John in the last four.
As last time, he beat him again and went on to face Dave (The Cracker) McNamara in the final. It was here that Jeff slowly ground to a halt. Leading 6-5 to 7 points he failed to press home his advantage and The Cracker emerged victorious.
Last Chance (29): Playing to 5-points, Uldis Lapikens tore his way through the opposition to meet Dod Davies in the finals. Dod, fearful of winning what he described as "Something you put on a grave", which was in fact a very nice rose bowl (Philistine!) couldn't avoid the said item as both 1st and 2nd got the same prize! Reluctantly he decided that if the 'grave thing' was unavoidable then he might as play to win ... which he did. I now suspect that the beautiful crystal rose bowl has now taken on the persona of an ashtray!
Haggis (64 open draw): When he saw that I’d offered a (delicious?) Haggis as the Runner-up prize, Keith Robertson made it his tournament mission to come 2nd and take home the (delicious?) 2nd prize! However, when he met fellow Scot, Graeme Campbell in the Final he got carried away by the occasion and won the first prize - a lovely 'grave thing'!
I've been thinking about a haggis all weekend and wondering how on earth it became an acceptable foodstuff in the first place. Can you imagine the scene - a big, hairy, kilted Scot carrying a huge claymore over his shoulder returns home to his hut after a hard day killing the English and shouts to his wife, "Woman. What's for supper?"
"Oh, have I got a special treat for you - I've invented the haggis," she’d reply. "Its the heart, liver and lungs of a lovely sheep, with a few oats thrown in and all wrapped up in a succulent sheep’s bladder."
"Hoots mon, Hen," he’d reply, "It sounds delicious!"
Give me deep fried Mars Bars any day!
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- Michael Crane
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