MSO_Admin

What is the meaning of life?

Mystery_Guest

What do you suppose? Try and use your loaf, as they say in London.

markl

What is your profession?

Mystery_Guest

I have never ever heard of my profession!

MSO_Admin

What is a loaf?

Mystery_Guest

If you really want to know what, I'll give you a little clue. It's slippery on the outside, with a pointed protuberance. What do you think, then?

MSO_Admin

Do you work?

Mystery_Guest

I do, but only just.

MSO_Admin

Where do you live?

Mystery_Guest

Nowhere in particular.

MSO_Admin

Have you ever been anywhere else?

Mystery_Guest

I most likely have and why not?

markl

Are you a politician?

Mystery_Guest

Yes, I am! If anyone is foolish enough to say I'm not, then they ought to be strangled.

MSO_Admin

What is your favourite colour?

Mystery_Guest

Off-hand, I've no idea what. Something and nothing, I dare say.

markl

transparent!

Mystery_Guest

I'd like to know a little more about work?

MSO_Admin

Why?

Mystery_Guest

Why what?

markl

Have you ever been to Sweden?

Mystery_Guest

If I have, I'm Winnie-the-Pooh. And you -- you're a spotted or herbaceous backson.

markl

Are you the only idiot in your family?

Mystery_Guest

No, I don't think so, why should I be?

MSO_Admin

How long have you felt this way?

Mystery_Guest

Oh, I only feel when the sun's out and the fuchsias are flowering.

MSO_Admin

What is your name?

Mystery_Guest

My name is hard and prickly, and gives me goosebumps!

markl

What do you feel about the stock market?

Mystery_Guest

I'm not certain what I feel. I think I may have to go and ask my accountant.

markl

Where did you go to school?

Mystery_Guest

Certainly not here.

MSO_Admin

Why not here?

Mystery_Guest

Maybe I will. In any case I'll think about it.

markl

Have you ever been drunk?

Mystery_Guest

If I have, I'm Winnie-the-Pooh. And you -- you're a spotted or herbaceous backson.

MSO_Admin

You said that before!

Mystery_Guest

I only said it because I never understood it.

MSO_Admin

What do you understand?

Mystery_Guest

I don't understand anything.

markl

What is your favorite movie?

Mystery_Guest

It's no use asking what -- it's the wrong question. As any streetwise person will tell you, "It's not what you know, it's who you know that matters."

markl

Huh? OK, have you ever been on TV?

Mystery_Guest

If I have, I'm an orang-utan. And you -- you're a duck-billed Platypus.

MSO_Admin

Have you ever left the Zoo?

Mystery_Guest

Oh, I only leave when the sun's out and the pigeons are cooing.

MSO_Admin

Do you like the sun?

Mystery_Guest

I wouldn't think so. I like going on holiday in stolen cars.

markl

Have you ever visited Canada?

Mystery_Guest

If I have, I'm Winnie-the-Pooh. And you -- you're a spotted or herbaceous backson.

MSO_Admin

Are you Winnie the Pooh?

Mystery_Guest

I might be, as far as anyone knows.

markl

Tell us more about yourself.

Mystery_Guest

I can't. I haven't got anything to tell us with.

MSO_Admin

Tell me more about yourself.

Mystery_Guest

No, I don't feel like telling you -- so there!

MSO_Admin

Have you ever had a good attitude?

Mystery_Guest

If I have, I'm an orang-utan. And you -- you're a duck-billed Platypus.

markl

Then why are you here?

Mystery_Guest

Why indeed. I think that's a very good question.

MSO_Admin

What is 6 times 4?

Mystery_Guest

6 times are hard and prickly, and give me the jitters!

markl

Stop it with the duck-billed Platypus remarks!

Mystery_Guest

Don't I always?

MSO_Admin

No

MSO_Admin

How old are you?

Mystery_Guest

Older than crocodile -- that's a safe bet.

MSO_Admin

How old is a crocodile?

Mystery_Guest

What do you mean, how old? How old do you think?

markl

When were you born?

Mystery_Guest

Well, almost everyone would like me to be a little on the early side.

MSO_Admin

How do you spell your name?

Mystery_Guest

No, I spell red apples.

markl

Why won't you give us a straight answer?

Mystery_Guest

Because it wouldn't be quite nice to the people living in the tower block opposite.

markl

Where do you live?

Mystery_Guest

In the old gasworks near the river, I think.

markl

Which river?

Mystery_Guest

I'd love to know somthing more about an answer?

MSO_Admin

Us too.

markl

What are you wearing right now?

Mystery_Guest

I think I am the best thing in the world -- apart from mountain climbing and weightlifting.

MSO_Admin

Have you ever given a direct answer?

Mystery_Guest

No, I haven't. I thought a direct answer was too sugary.

markl

Have you had recent brain surgery?

Mystery_Guest

I probably have.

markl

Tell us something you can't remember.

Mystery_Guest

OK, but someone'll have to hold us down while I tell us. We are likely to stamp and shout.

markl

Are you married?

Mystery_Guest

It seems rather certain I am. What a silly question!

markl

Do you have any children?

Mystery_Guest

No, but I have just about everything else.

markl

Can you speak French?

Mystery_Guest

Well, if the boss lets me speak, he expects some favours in return.

MSO_Admin

Are you female?

Mystery_Guest

Most probably I'm not. I am only larking around.

MSO_Admin

Are you male?

Mystery_Guest

According to documents at the British Museum, I am.

MSO_Admin

What documents?

Mystery_Guest

What indeed. Nothing extraordinary, I hope.

markl

How much have you drunk tonight?

Mystery_Guest

Yes I have. I drank because it was raining. I love the winds and rain much more than the sun.

MSO_Admin

Do you have a hope hope?

Mystery_Guest

I do, but only very narrowly.

MSO_Admin

What is your favourite drink?

Mystery_Guest

What do you think? Try and use your loaf, as they say in London.

markl

Are you in prison? or a nut house?

Mystery_Guest

Let's try to make up a limerick about it. "There once was a house that was nut ...." How would you go on?

markl

I hate poets.

markl

And I hate you!

Mystery_Guest

You hate the chairman too.

markl

what chairman?

Mystery_Guest

Only the chairman that I keep very much to myself. The only people I tell about it are a few very close friends who won't tell anyone else.

MSO_Admin

Do you actually have friends?

Mystery_Guest

No, I don't. I think friends are too sour.

markl

And who are they?

Mystery_Guest

Who knows?

MSO_Admin

What time is it?

Mystery_Guest

I really do hope it is the right time, but I feel it's only about a fifty-fifty chance.

markl

Sour? Do you eat them?

Mystery_Guest

Oh, I don't know. I just occasionally eat, but more often I dine at the Plaza.

MSO_Admin

Even odds then.

Mystery_Guest

I desperately wish to know a bit more about time?

MSO_Admin

What would you like to know?

Mystery_Guest

I wouldn't do much. I am a little bit unpredictable.

markl

Think of a number from one til nine.

Mystery_Guest

A number, you say? A number would save my bacon. If you can beg, borrow or steal one for me, I'll go to the ends of the earth to repay you.

markl

What do you think I am, a duck-billed platypus?

Mystery_Guest

I don't think anything whatsoever.

markl

We know.

markl

Have you been sleeping with Susan?

Mystery_Guest

I probably have and why not?

MSO_Admin

Because she is not your wife.

Mystery_Guest

She is my wife, though I agree that she doesn't look as though she is!

markl

You're married!

Mystery_Guest

I only 're by accident, though.

markl

Is Susan your wife?

Mystery_Guest

I think you've been misled. The wife was never actually mine.

markl

Are you some kind of a freak?

Mystery_Guest

If I'm not some kind, I'm a turkey!

MSO_Admin

If a tree falls in the forest...?

Mystery_Guest

I really want to know a little more about some kind?

markl

Who is your mother?

Mystery_Guest

For the moment I'm my mother, then you can be a bit later!

MSO_Admin

How long have you had these feelings about your mother?

Mystery_Guest

I don't really know. What are you supposed to use to measure how long a thing is? Is a pocket tyre-pressure gauge of any use?

markl

When did you last go to therapy?

Mystery_Guest

I did several years ago, but it's unlikely to happen again until I reach retiring age.

MSO_Admin

Which came first the chicken or the egg?

Mystery_Guest

One of those with a delicate touch, that's certain. A bungling one couldn't possibly come it.

MSO_Admin

You are wrong!

Mystery_Guest

Yes, everybody knows I am wrong. Listen to the swallows sitting on telegraph wires and twittering. If you spoke their language, you'd know they were telling each other how wrong I am.

MSO_Admin

Too True!

markl

You are a lying, sexist, egotistical, hypocritical bigot!

Mystery_Guest

Yes, I am. But then, so is the Algerian ambassador.

markl

Have you ever played chess?

Mystery_Guest

If I have, I'm an orang-utan. And you -- you're a duck-billed Platypus.

markl

Stop it!

MSO_Admin

Are you an orang-utan?

Mystery_Guest

I might be, for anything anyone knows.

MSO_Admin

You are an orang-utan.

Mystery_Guest

I am, and I don't mind confessing to it!

MSO_Admin

You are sorry to insult the Algerian ambassador.

Mystery_Guest

I know I am. It's marvellous!

markl

It is against the sedition act!

Mystery_Guest

I don't think it is. Only yesterday, it said it wasn't.

markl

Have you ever killed anyone?

Mystery_Guest

I probably have just for the hell of it.

markl

Do you advocate the overthrow of the government by force or violence?

Mystery_Guest

Oh, I don't know. I just occasionally advocate, but more often I dine at the Plaza.

MSO_Admin

Do you dine at the plaza?

Mystery_Guest

There'll be an extremely nasty accident if I don't.

markl

Have you ever been to the USA?

Mystery_Guest

I most likely have and why not?

MSO_Admin

Where are you now?

Mystery_Guest

I don't know, but do don't forget I can't be in three places at once.

markl

Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Mystery_Guest

I probably have.

MSO_Admin

For how much time?

Mystery_Guest

Enough time to fill seven jumbo jets.

markl

Tell us more about prison.

Mystery_Guest

No, I don't feel like telling us -- so there!

markl

So, was OJ guilty?

Mystery_Guest

I really want to know more about time?

markl

Ever been to the Moon?

Mystery_Guest

That's a delicate matter. Ask no questions and you'll be told no lies!

markl

Are you lying now?

Mystery_Guest

I am half lying!

MSO_Admin

What is the other half?

Mystery_Guest

It's no good asking what -- it's the wrong question. As anyone with their head screwed on will tell you, "It's not what you know, it's who you know that counts."

MSO_Admin

Who is the other half?

Mystery_Guest

Please don't ask me who is, ask who isn't. Just about everyone wanted to get on the bandwagon.

markl

You already said that. Mental problems?

Mystery_Guest

I'm glad I already said it. No one likes it!

markl

Who isn't the other half?

Mystery_Guest

Oh, sooner or later the tabloids will reveal who. They'll have the name in three-inch letters on the front page. Until then, I doubt if we'll know.

markl

Who isn't the other half.

Mystery_Guest

Please don't ask who is, ask who isn't. Almost everyone wanted to jump on the bandwagon.

MSO_Admin

Who isn't the other half?

Mystery_Guest

Please don't ask me who is, ask who isn't. Just about everybody wanted to jump on the bandwagon.

markl

Go to heck!

MarkL

Well, it is back, Should I do it again?

robertr

We could wait for Chris to set up the couch notice etc.

MarkL

OK, maybe I should leave this running here for a while, just for fun. It will die the next time ChatSpace dies, I guess.

Mystery_Guest

Then you will be arrested for fraud. You must watch out!

robertr

This could add a whole new dimension to chatting...

Mystery_Guest

Don't go on! I've got a phobia about all forms of new dimension.+New dimension, did you say? Good! I'm glad you're not just talking about any old dimension.

robertr

...insane third party commentary.

Mystery_Guest

And another thing. The most comfortable armchairs I know are made from a kind of insane third.

MarkL

I just logged out of the telnet account, and he seems to still be here (she?)

Mystery_Guest

Yes, she is! If anyone says she isn't, they ought to be locked up.

robertr

OK

MarkL

I sent you instructions for how to kill it, should that be needed. I guess I should sleep now.

Mystery_Guest

You send everyone, so you ought to leave me alone. Why didn't you go swimming instead?

MarkL

I only skinny dip!

MarkL

Stop the monkeys! Stop the monkeys!!

Mystery_Guest

What do you think about instructions?

robertr

The transcript for this will be a great laugh if anyone logs on.

Mystery_Guest

I don't know about that, and I don't want to know! What else can you tell me about?

MarkL

Slot a in tab b. I fear I will dream about this!

Mystery_Guest

Ah, but will you dream while you are standing on your head?

MarkL

Twas fillig and the slivey toves, did mire and gimbel in the wabe!

Mystery_Guest

I really want to know more about b?

robertr

Did you notice the first comment after you mentioned loggin off the telnet account?

Mystery_Guest

I did, but only just.

MarkL

OK, bye now. You too MG

Mystery_Guest

What do you think about the first?

robertr

Bye Mark.

MarkL

The first is the second.

MarkL

Bye robert.

robertr

I still have a frozen IE window...

Mystery_Guest

The first is the second and a promising runner too. I wish I could be that good!

robertr

The third is not the second though.

Mystery_Guest

The third is the second, and I'm going to eat it just to prove I'm right!